Thank you for allowing me to use the venue of this blog to speak of the individual that will always be known as the “Quiet Man”. He will be remembered! ajm
Monthly Archives: May 2014
On May 26 I received the last and final call…two weeks of suffering has ended and the process of grief must begin; David is resting in the arms of his God. ajm
The voice on the other end of the line was distraught, yet the sobs were recognizably those of one of my adult children. An individual, a father figure had gone from critical to a “comfort care” situation. When your children’s hearts are breaking, so does yours, helpless to take away the pain is in the forefront.
The first call was laced with a magnitude of denial, of course the medical professionals do not “help” the journey to reality with taking extraordinary measures under the conditions and the age of the patient. Ever costly method available to the is considered, having worked in the health care industry at one point in my life, the term “getting another day” became more than familiar. Although I cannot express enough my belief in a “Living Will”. The end results in many of these situations will be the same, only with the coffers of the industry getting fatter at the expense of a family whose frightened with the prospects of death and they agree beyond their “knowing” and maintain the denial vigil.
I do not “deny” this process to those who need the time, I have always had to deal in reality and I have never had the possibility to go through a systematic dying stage. I have confronted “anger”! No why me, but angry because the time was too short. No one is to blame, we are born dying and it is life, but I become angry with time, wasted time.
I have never tried to “bargain” with God, I tried once but Jesus did not come down and raise from his death bed the most important person in my life, my father. It will not prolong life, it is a waste of precious time with the person you love, the person that is about to leave from your realm of existence forever.
The demon depression is always there, quickly to pounce on its prey, rob senses and again precious time. I cannot say grief will get better with time, the answer to this question is in the hands of the depressed. Grief itself is an abuser and a killer, it will take you to the depths of hell and back before it will release you from its talons of doubt and angry denial.
Acceptance is an individual choice. You can chose to live life with deep and wonderful memories of life or you can accept weakness and live in a void for which there may be no return. Choices! I believe those who are passing on chose to face reality long before those who love them do.
Today, I wait for the call that will tell me suffering has ended that of my son and that of the “father” that he chose to accept rather than his own. I pray for a release from life that is no longer sustainable and a quick entry into another realm of existence. I pray for the hurt my child feels today to end, for the grieving process is much harder and lasts much longer. There are no words to ease the pain, take away the hurt, but silently being there ready to pick up when fallen, wipe away tears, reinforce God’s plan. This is all we can hope for, that and continued prayer.
Where do dreams start, first in your heart (desire), second in your mind (the process), third set them in motion, if you can dream it, you can make it come true. This I believe, and time or age should not be a factor, think big then appreciate the small blessings.
I have had comments on my blog that are positive when I post poetry or prose, those that indicate that efforts were a waste of time, I trash! I am doing what I want with my life and I will always run into the naysayers, doubters and those who believe that my butt should be planted in a rocking chair and my hand should be holding knitting needles. Instead, I sit here with laptop balanced on a rickety old table pounding out poetry or a short story idea and scoff at those who would try to kill my dream, a dream in the making over a lifetime and the last ten-years spent in learning and creating. Of this creation process has been born three poetry books and one of my personal art.
I am not intimidated with rejection slips, I am a member of the rejection slip club and our membership is huge; yet, we refuse to give up our dreams. In this club, I am in the presence of good writers, and creative excellence that has yet to fulfill their dreams. We are all on a journey to find ourselves, to meet the excellence of who we were intended to be. It is a roller coaster ride, for every ten “no’s” there is a “yes”, we dream of one day hearing “YES, YES, YES”!
You must not only follow your dreams, you must fight for them, again age, time, place, and conditions cannot stop our dreams. If you do not go after your dreams, you will be responsible for them being “crushed”. At the end of your life, have no regrets. Look around, dreamers created all of the many things that you love. So, your dreams may not come as soon as you would like, be patience the side trips toward your dream could inspire you in other ways toward your greatness. A part of your personal growth in life is because of your dreams, without them would you be who you are today?
Doing what you want in life attracts those who are jealous, ignore them; do not try to justify your dreams with these people; they are not worth your time. Following your dreams may give them the inspiration to find their own dreams.
Again, age is not a factor in following or finding your dream, stay motivate, look at failures as a learning ground for growth and always remember that there are no rules in life where dreaming is concerned. Never set boundary around yourself, or let others wall up your dreams. Take a chance on finding greatness.
There comes a time when one becomes tired of the obstacles one must deal with when continuing to work on a one-sided family or friend relationship. A lifetime of being the one to write, call, visits, they “use” you and then they return to their “entitled” selves. An on and off family or friend relationship that “finally” becomes a chore to continue. The term “you have to love them, as in family”, maybe… “But you don’t have to like them” or “continue to have something to do with them. It is time to move on, but first some thoughts…
Trust your instinct about one-sided relationships, not the words that come from the “users”. You are not obligated to make continuous “start over’s” when these people do you wrong, give yourself a new start and ending, be bold. Their “Faith” does not have to be your faith. The entitled relative or friend has no real pride, it is false, they have had everything given to them in life and continues to expect more. You do not have to bear the weight of their crisis of the day that turns into a joke tomorrow. Give up, accept final defeat, you need to stop extending that “olive branch” when you have been shunned, mistreated, or was always the giver while they take. This type of relationship is not cracked it is broke!
“It takes years to learn to move on to understand that you were not in the wrong. Hope for change in this type of person is overrated and outdated, reality needs to be fully awake and aware, leave the past behind and their hypocrisy. You have been kept too long on the “family or friend hook”; their manipulation gives them power, the “I will call you, so you do not call me as I may be busy” needs to end.
Hypocrisy is the claim or pretense of feelings, behaviors, characteristics that one does not in fact have, these people have false acts and their motive is for gain. Failing to perceive and condemn faults of their own is their real normal. These people, these human beings misuse others and justify their own behavior. Evil is not uncommon, it is every day. Hypocrites believe that they are good, that they are innocent, and the victim.
My decision going forward, give no more chances or favors, my rule only. It is my life, it is worth living without constant conflict, the emotional pain these people impose should nourish your courage, the time comes when…”SAYING GOODBYE TO THESE PEOPLE MAY BE YOUR ONLY SECOND CHANCE”.