Category Archives: Elderly biking

The Latest from Aunt Ira Mae…

 

th3MW9WMAD

Crawfish Manor

Well my dear, God’s waiting room continues to fill with most residents younger than me, instead of calling it a place for over 55 they should advertise over 85. But, Rosemary Wilson just wants this big old house filled up. Now you know that I am not trying to insult old people cause I will be ??? all too soon. Thank God there is a small elevator.  But independent should be used lightly here and it is cheaper than the nursing home over in Clinton.

Sorry that I have not written but I have been busy helping Mr. Roy in the “Pumpkin Patch” and have not told you the latest. A woman called Faith and very nice, a loner like myself lives across from me and stops when she sees me to catch me up. I find her gossiping odd as she goes to church every day, maybe that is why. She said her neighbor whom I renamed, “Smelly Bob”, was in the Clinton Hospital with a leg problem that may put him in a wheelchair.

She ask if I might be willing to stop by and say hello, apparently Smelly Bob, eighty-seventy years old had no nearby friends, his children lived several states away and he was alone. I said that I would .

Wednesday I stopped by on my way to the gym, I failed to ask Faith his last name and I did not think it appropriate to go to the information booth and ask if they could give me the room number of Smelly Bob!

I described him, where he was from and his condition, apparently they knew Smelly Bob!

When I walked into the room, he was in a lounge chair, hospital gown on and blanket over his lap. I reminded him of my living in the Manor; he smiled and acknowledged me. I went over and looked out the window making a comment on the view he had of a small lake. When I turned around the blanket was lying on the floor, bandaged legs exposed, gown pulled up to his hips, the view…nothing to brag about! I quickly excused myself saying I was late to a gym class and that I had promised Faith I would stop by, wishing him well, I skedaddled from the room.

Yesterday, the Warden came to my door saying that the gathering room was “a buzz” as she called it, with my romance with Smelly Bob. Keeping a straight face, I told her that I would be down soon to share everything.

When I got there the room was filled with several old women and one man, she must have them all on speed dial. The man said that Smelly Bob had called him saying that I had drove all the way to Clinton just to see him, that I had a crush on him and when he was dismissed from the hospital that we were going away for the week-end. Have I mentioned that this old man cannot walk let alone #$%&. No doubt, misperception, dementia is rampant at the Manor.

When I walked into their gathering place, I explained that Smelly Bob was lying and as I walked away I turned saying “My fellow inmates as I like to call you…since I am certain that each of you have already formed your own opinion let me say this, you are all assuming that I like men”? Mouths fell open, and I walked out of a very quiet room.

I am certain that I have them totally confused . However, when I walked to the elevator going back to my apartment I heard Mouth say, “Well, we don’t like people who are not like us”, the silence broke, and the hen clucking begins. Well, I don’t like people like them either.  Old people, you gotta love them! Well, I am heading for the Pumpkin Patch with a bottle of “Jack”and will call or write before Thanksgiving.

Until I can get another email you have to know that my Aunt Ira Mae is a southerner who I sometimes refer to as “Mouth of the South”, I am certain that she goes for the shock and awe effect when talking to her neighbors.  11.14.2014 ajm

 

4 Comments

Filed under Elderly biking, Jack Daniels, Life, Living in Senior Housing, Possible finding love

I Got Mail…from Aunt Ira Mae!

The subject line read:  Met a nice man!  Then Ira Mae wrote the following:

Trying to bike in Hell Town is taking your life into your own hands. It is difficult to believe since there is only one street, Main, and two bridges to cross over. Of course, there are no bike lanes, riding down main even with it two or three cars is a sign of being brave.

A redheaded woman pulled out of the Crawfish Café in a 1966 baby blue Studebaker, mint condition, the last year they built that funny little car. She pulled out without looking, I put on brakes right before impact! BITCH…

As it turn out I would later find out that she is the preacher’s wife, a church located between Crawfish and Clinton the only church within miles, and I was later told that she leads the choir, reads hot romance novels during church service.

Then an old red Ford truck passed me, unlike the Studebaker it appeared to be held together with rust and baling wire. This pipe-smoking farmer I was also to find out grows pumpkins for Halloween and trees for Christmas, he carries to Clinton to sell on an old A&P lot. When he pulled out of his parking place in front of Wilson’s Drug and Hardware store he gave me a smile saying…“Wanna race”! I believe he found my “trike” funny. Yes, I found out a lot about him later.

Off he went like a snail, at the bottom of a hill about a mile out of town I could see the old truck turning onto a side road. I went down the winding road through the pumpkin patch took me in front of a country home out of a Norman Rockwell painting. There he sat, rocking back and forth next to a table with two cups of steaming coffee. Now is this fate?

“It’s strong and it’s hot, like I like my women…if I was young enough to still like women”. He winked and continued, “I’m Bill, and you’re that young thing that moved into Crawfish Manor. It is all over town about a southern lady.

He laughed so hard it was infectious. I said to him, “Mr. Bill , I’m no spring chicken, but frankly I don’t think God is ready for me and the devil would not know what to do with me”!   I sat down had the worst cup of coffee in my life and I believe that I may have found the best friend that I will probably have in my life.

Time for a moment with Jack and remembering to breathe damn’it. When you come over I will take you to the pumpkin/Christmas tree farm.

 

“Needless to say, I have to meet this Mr. Bill soon”. 11.7.2014   ajm

 

1 Comment

Filed under Elderly biking, Life, Living in Senior Housing, Possible finding love, Thoughts, Words

A Happy Halloween call from Aunt Ira Mae…

 

th3MW9WMAD

Crawfish Manor

Received a call from Aunt Ira Mae today, she has decided that the old folks at Crawfish Manor does not have enough to do on a day-to-day basis, accept to pry into other folks business.  I said to her you might need to stop and think that most elderly people are not like you (she is well into her 90’s and acts like 50); many are hard of hearing or cannot see well.

She screamed into the phone. ”Hard of hearing, do not be fooled by that, they can hear a fly fart at one-hundred yards. Every time I opened my door to take out boxes that I have unpacked, no less than ten heads all sporting curly blue hair pops out to look at me as I walk down the hallway’.

Then she continued to say. “Don’t get me wrong, I have white hair…I just don’t think having it short and spiked went over too well, and I am certain that being bare foot and braless did not get me any points, and no, “the girls” were not bouncing off my knees. When God called out who wants “Big Breast”, I thought he said, “Big Test” and I ran the other way”!

Aunt Ira Mae no doubt irritated but laughing continued with…

“With the unpacking done, I decided to go for a bike ride (she has a three wheel adult trike). There I was on the elevator with the bike, a man and woman got on with me before the door could close. The man looked at me and said loudly, “Do you go to church”? I smiled and said “No”; he got louder, “Don’t you believe in God”? I smiled and said “Yes”, I knew what was coming next…”People who believe in God go to church”! His wife said loudly, “You’re going to hell”! I smiled and said, “Yes mam, I may be going there, and you and your husband don’t forget to say hi when you see me, ya hear”! I still don’t know their names; I call them the Church People”!

Well what can I say, I feel sorry for the other residents of Crawfish Manor. Ira Mae is a true southern character that you either love or hate. I am certain that when she got off the phone she told herself while pouring her shot of “Jack”, breathe damn’it.

 

10.31.2014 Happy Halloween ajm

7 Comments

Filed under Elderly biking, Jack Daniels, Life, Living in Senior Housing, Moonshine, Thoughts, Words