Category Archives: Poetry

Grief up close and personal…

In July of 2010, I lost two children, two days apart. I have been force to create a new life while living within the circle of my old life. There are three dreaded periods where I barely exist, the month of July, Thanksgiving and Christmas. In the beginning of July, I start my countdown for those feared dates; the holidays are shrouded in hidden sadness.

No two people grieve the same, mine is in silence; held within to be strong for my other children. I turned from my love of writing fiction and short stories to poetry. In poetry, I poured out my grief. It soon became an outlet for not only the loss of my children, but my life as it used to be. After publishing five books of poetry from 2010 to 2014 my well of words are still filled with sadness. Grieving remains hidden within me.

I have been to see doctors, on medications and to counseling on grief, which has not changed my pain and sadness, lived daily, in the quietness of self. I wanted to share my thoughts on grieving with my readers, not everyone can come back from losses in their lives. I have created a new existence, yet the old me lives close, right there under my outward self.

I want to share that time does not always heal. There is supposed to be a process but it does not work for many who have lost loved ones. Life after death for the living is a frenzied hell. The peaks and valleys of my life are never ending. The grieving never fades; it becomes covered by a mask that I wear.

There are many with more education, experience and well versed than I who have written “how to grieve and how to heal”; my contribution is from my own experience and I will say to you that time does not heal for everyone. I have tried to weave my grief within the tapestry of my life while living a new existence, it is difficult.

I understand that people do not know what to say to a grieving person, then do not say anything as nothing eases the pain. I have heard the following, which I cringe at the onset from the person who is trying to comfort me.

  • NUMBER 1 FOR ME… “God must have wanted them with him”.  Well this one hurts worse than all the others do; and God and I are still having long conversations about his needs over mine as a mother.
  • “God will not give you more than you can handle”.  Those who say this cannot fathom how wrong they are, imploding within a world of non-existence filled with grief cannot always be “handled”.
  • “You are handling your loss so well”.  My not screaming and crying does not mean that I am grieving less.
  • “You should be happy they are no longer suffering”.  Yes, I am happy they are not suffering, but understand that the suffering remains behind.
  • “Talking about you loss will only prolong your grief”.  I have found death and divorce are on the same level as far as no one wants to hear about it.  If you begin, a conversation on either the subject is changed quickly.  Most people do not want to hear about your pain or loss.
  • “I know how you feel”.  No, you do not, I have friends that have lost children, and we all agree that there is no way anyone can know how you feel.
  • “At least they were old enough to experience a full adult life”.  It does not matter if they are one hour old of in their fifties (as mine were), this statement is wrong on so many levels.
  • “It’s been years (five for me); it’s time to get over your loss”.  Few say this but the statement has been said to me…I have had to create a new existence but the old one lives in silence within me.

This entry is meant to be helpful in what not to say to a grieving person. It is to let people know that grief does not have a deadline. I have been told recently that much of my poetry is “dark”, well then you did get the reason for its creation. I will say that there is a small light in the corner of my world yet words of happiness rarely appear upon the blank pages of my creations. I continue to fight to emerge from the void of non-existence, but time is not on my side.

Remember when you approach someone that has lost a loved one, the old saying in relation to words is true “less is more”. A simple, “I am sorry for your loss” works for me.

In this coming season where sadness and happiness are intertwined like garland on the Christmas tree, to those of you who have experience the death of loved ones I am certain that you understand the reason for this entry. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

For my Children

11.13.2014 ajm

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Filed under Grief, Life, Poetry, Thoughts, Words

On Sale at Amazon.com…

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IN SEARCH OF WORDS

 

Ann Johnson-Murphree Poetry Books – A Collection of Poetry

http://www.amazon.com/Sachet-Poetry-Adoration-Aspirations-Asylums/dp/1500483354/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-1&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

http://www.amazon.com/Honeysuckle-Memories-Ann-Johnson-murphree/dp/150029070X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-3&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

http://www.amazon.com/Reflections-Poetry-Ann-Johnson-Murphree/dp/1500168645/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-4&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Voices-Ann-Johnson-Murphree/dp/1500426709/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-5&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

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Filed under Life, Poetry, Prose, Thoughts, Words

Book at Amazon.com…

thCBQZC1XH

IN SEARCH OF WORDS

 

Ann Johnson-Murphree Poetry Books – A Collection of Poetry
The 8×11 coffee table books that will display well . The matte cover is classy and inviting. Within each book the reader will find approximately fifty poems.  A length pleasing to browse, read one or more; they will find a connection, a meaning and a purpose in each poem.

http://www.amazon.com/Sachet-Poetry-Adoration-Aspirations-Asylums/dp/1500483354/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-1&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

http://www.amazon.com/Honeysuckle-Memories-Ann-Johnson-murphree/dp/150029070X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-3&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

http://www.amazon.com/Reflections-Poetry-Ann-Johnson-Murphree/dp/1500168645/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-4&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Voices-Ann-Johnson-Murphree/dp/1500426709/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-5&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

 

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A Sachet of Poetry…

 

About adoration, aspirations and yes asylums…

 

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Filed under Life, Poetry, Tennessee Foothills, Thoughts, Words

Aunt Ira Mae and Crawfish Creek Manor Day 2 …

 

 

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Crawfish Creek Manor

Aunt Ira Mae called with her latest…if you are looking for senior housing here are some “do’s and don’ts”, and this may be the most important information the older generation will ever read.

Do not – be fooled if the housing is new with only a few tenants. Remember, those that can walk are in a gathering area checking you out; they were there first… this is an important thing never to forget, if you move in; you will be the subject of conversation for many months as you are the only “life” they have seen since they arrived at the Manor.

Do not – believe everything a manager of the property tells you, they are trying to fill the place up!

Do not – check out a town during winter months, everything looks magnificent  covered with snow.

Do – visit several times before signing a lease. Ira Mae said that if she had done so, she would have found out that the old woman who guards the door and questions everyone who enters was truly at one point “a warden”!

Do – read the lease carefully, the administrator/manager makes the rules as she goes about her day, different rules, different rents, her favorite saying is “This is all a secret now, don’t tell the others, because I am treating you special”. Then they all gather and discuss how special they are among themselves.

Those are the main do’s and don’ts, life is complicated here at Crawfish Creek Manor…

Hometown, small town, USA, beware it is Hell-Town, USA; Over 55 housing, (you think), friendly (until you move in), then you find that you are living in God’s Waiting Room…it is a nursing home without nursing staff and you have Crawfish Creek on one side and the Pearly Gates on the other!

Seems Aunt Ira Mae does not let anything or anyone get her down her message for today, remember a shot of “Jack” a day will keep the doctor away, and if you are a senior citizen just keep telling yourself…breathe damn’it.

As I continue to write my southern stories Aunt Ira Mae has become my muse, sets a fire under me to tell these stories before I have to go into “God’s Waiting Room”.

To check out my poetry works on death and depression, living through the loss of a love one go to Amazon.com…

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=ann+johnson-murphree+paperbacks

10.25.2014.ajm

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Life, Living in Senior Housing, Moonshine, Poetry, Prose, Thoughts, Words

On Sale…

 

thCBQZC1XH

IN SEARCH OF WORDS

 

Ann Johnson-Murphree Poetry Books – A Collection of Poetry
The 8×11 coffee table books that will display well . The matte cover is classy and inviting. Within each book the reader will find approximately fifty poems.  A length pleasing to browse, read one or more; they will find a connection, a meaning and a purpose in each poem.

http://www.amazon.com/Sachet-Poetry-Adoration-Aspirations-Asylums/dp/1500483354/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-1&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

http://www.amazon.com/Honeysuckle-Memories-Ann-Johnson-murphree/dp/150029070X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-3&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

http://www.amazon.com/Reflections-Poetry-Ann-Johnson-Murphree/dp/1500168645/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-4&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Voices-Ann-Johnson-Murphree/dp/1500426709/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-5&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

http://www.amazon.com/Echoing-Images-Soul-Journey-into/dp/1500366811/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-6&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

 

Thank you for your support.  ajm

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Filed under Life, Poetry, Prose, Thoughts, Words

What do you see when you look at an older person?

A worthy piece to share from Ernest Slyman’s Facebook Page…Please share

 

https://www.facebook.com/ernest.slyman.9/about

 

 

“When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an Australian country town, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.

Later, when the nurses were going through his meagre possessions, They found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.

 

One nurse took her copy to Melbourne. The old man’s sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas editions of magazines around the country and appearing in mags for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.

 

And this old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this ‘anonymous’ poem winging across the Internet.”

 

Cranky Old Man

 

What do you see nurses? ……What do you see?

What are you thinking .. . when you’re looking at me?

A cranky old man, … …not very wise,

Uncertain of habit .… … . .. with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food .. . … . . and makes no reply.

When you say in a loud voice . .’I do wish you’d try!’

Who seems not to notice …the things that you do.

And forever is losing … …… A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not … … lets you do as you will,

With bathing and feeding … .The long day to fill?

Is that what you’re thinking?. .Is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, nurse .you’re not looking at me.

I’ll tell you who I am … . .. As I sit here so still,

As I do at your bidding, .… . as I eat at your will.

I’m a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters .… .. . who love one another

A young boy of Sixteen … .. with wings on his feet

Dreaming that soon now …… a lover he’ll meet.

A groom soon at Twenty … ..my heart gives a leap.

Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now … . .I have young of my own.

Who need me to guide … And a secure happy home.

A man of Thirty . .… . . My young now grown fast,

Bound to each other …. With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,

But my woman is beside me . . to see I don’t mourn.

At Fifty, once more, .. …Babies play ‘round my knee,

Again, we know children … . My loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me … . My wife is now dead.

I look at the future … … . I shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing .… young of their own.

And I think of the years … And the love that I’ve known.

I’m now an old man … … .. and nature is cruel.

It’s jest to make old age … … . look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigour, depart.

There is now a stone … where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,

And now and again … . . my battered heart swells

I remember the joys … . .. . I remember the pain.

And I’m loving and living … … . life over again.

I think of the years, all too few …. gone too fast.

And accept the stark fact … that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people .… . .… open and see.

Not a cranky old man .

Look closer … . see .. .…. …. . ME!!

 

Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within. We will all, one day, be there, too!

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Filed under Art, Life, Poetry, Words

Books at Amazon.com……………..

Ann Johnson-Murphree Poetry Books – A Collection of Poetry
The 8×11 coffee table books that will display well . The matte cover is classy and inviting. Within each book the reader will find approximately fifty poems.  A length pleasing to browse, read one or more; they will find a connection, a meaning and a purpose in each poem.

http://www.amazon.com/Sachet-Poetry-Adoration-Aspirations-Asylums/dp/1500483354/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-1&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

http://www.amazon.com/Honeysuckle-Memories-Ann-Johnson-murphree/dp/150029070X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-3&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

http://www.amazon.com/Reflections-Poetry-Ann-Johnson-Murphree/dp/1500168645/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-4&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Voices-Ann-Johnson-Murphree/dp/1500426709/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-5&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

http://www.amazon.com/Echoing-Images-Soul-Journey-into/dp/1500366811/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1413302456&sr=8-6&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

 

Thank you for your support.  ajm

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A Patchwork Life…

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http://www.amazon.com/Honeysuckle-Memories-Ann-Johnson-murphree/dp/150029070X/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1405934856&sr=1-3&keywords=ann+johnson-Murphree

Ann Johnson-Murphree Poetry Books – A Collection of Revelation Poetry
The 8X11 coffee table book that will display well on anyone’s coffee table or in any area. The matte cover is classy and inviting. Within each book the reader will find approximately fifty poems.  A length pleasing to browse, read one or more; they will find a connection, a meaning and a purpose in each poem.
One of a collection of poetry books filled with inspiring thoughts and reassuring words with a factual viewpoint on the many experiences in the life of the poet.  Each book serves as a prevailing reminder that life is complex.  That happiness is in our hands alone; that the fear of unhappiness is deep-rooted in the spirit and soul.  That depression and despair is real and each individual must find the freedom of mind, body and soul to move forward in their life.
Each poem has been created from the fabric of a patchwork life, complex, stress-filled, finding enlightenment and cultivating wisdom.  Anyone who will open their mind is free to pursue insight, to find their own nirvana. This collection of thoughts brings the reader along on the multifaceted journey of the poet’s experiences throughout life.

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Filed under New Paperback Release, Poetry

Well, I’m in good company…

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5 Comments

September 25, 2014 · 3:04 pm